We never really know ourselves because we can’t look back down our own eyes. In hindsight I realise that I’ve never wanted to be alive so have never had the need to joyfully engage.
I never got on with my family and couldn’t wait to leave home, hated school so didn’t bother to go or learn, failed all exams miserably. Social life was pubs and nightclubs because I couldn’t think of anything else so just ran with the gangs.
Didn’t read a book until I started meditating in my 20’s and then couldn’t stop, because there was no internet and no other way to educate myself, so am totally self educated with a high IQ.
Never enjoyed employment so went self employed as a martial arts Instructor part time in the 70’s and full time from ‘83 to date.
Without self examination in the martial arts, meditation and the guidance from Buddhism I don’t think that I would have survived. This journey has enabled me to share it with others and given me the empathy, insight and hindsight to understand others with the same needs.
Now I can look back down my own eyes and identify what makes me think and act in the way I do and I realise that as a youngster I was only an idiot because in my family and education no one understood me and were therefore unable to help me channel my fierce energy and drive.
Never underestimate the power of self reflection and examination. I see many people in the martial arts still troubled because they are only looking out and are unable to look inwards because they have never been taught and the ego and cultural indoctrination is very protective and will do anything to stop you from examining it.
If you would like to join my programme for meditation and Tai Chi in 2022 click on this link https://wp.me/p6RFtK-12w