Dealing with grief.
At some point we all lose someone or even a pet close to us so learning about grief is important.

I often talk about the Buddha’s 2 arrows, the suffering that is inevitable in life that you have to accept is the first arrow and when you suffer about your suffering is the second arrow that you can avoid.

Grief is natural and you have to let that out because to repress it is to make it worse. That’s the first arrow. Accept it and let it out. Every time you think it’s lessened it will be triggered by a memory, photo or it will just arise spontaneously.

Let it out, let it go but don’t continue to stab yourself with it. Keep busy and distracted so that you keep some normality in your life that you can return to.

Other people want to console you and often they make it worse. Better to give you as much normality as possible. The worst are what I call the ‘simperers’ who seem to be trying to manipulate you and make it worse. Often they think they’re being helpful but are in fact twisting the knife. Avoid them if you can or ask them to change the subject.

The deep emotions catch people out. Sob, cry, wail, train, meditate, or do whatever you need to in your own way and don’t feel shame, because every normal human has to go there. But when you realise that you’re stabbing yourself with that second arrow get into normality to avoid it and mix with people that won’t twist the knife.