Tag: depression

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Everyone Has A Story

Steve Rowe

As the government turns on people with disabilities, removing independence payments and most importantly social help of all kinds, no one can understand the full import of what becoming disabled means. We all have a different story and I’m lucky that I’m still able to work and support myself, with a lot of family, friends and students around me to help. Others are not so lucky. Having been an independent, fit, strong career martial artist for most of my life, becoming disabled and losing my leg meant that I lost 95% of my life. If asked if I would rather … Continue reading Everyone Has A Story

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Loneliness

Steve Rowe

Some people see everything differentThey can’t understand why others can’t see the sameOthers can’t understand why they are the way they areLike oil and water they can’t mixIt’s a lonely place when everyone misunderstandsWhen they don’t talkWhen they’re just being themselvesOthers think they’re being awkwardThe truth is they’re born that wayThey can’t help itThey don’t mean itThey can’t be differentThey just need toleranceUnderstandingCommon groundThis is the role martial arts can playIt’s called inclusion. Continue reading Loneliness

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The Missing Leg

Steve Rowe

Sat in the consultants office.The leg is infected, hot, red and swollen. The metal prosthetic rod that ran through the entire leg had now broken through the shin bone. It was a mess. “Go home, dial 999, it has to be amputated within 24 hours or you will die. It was 2021 in the middle of Covid, I was blue lighted into a hospital in chaos. By that point I’d had over 20 surgeries on my legs, 3 sepsis infections, 3 knee replacements in that leg including an antibiotic spacer, lost all my quadricep muscles on both legs, eventually having … Continue reading The Missing Leg

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3am Black Dog

Steve Rowe

It’s always at 3amYou wake with a feeling of dreadIt can come from medicationOr lack of itMaybe PTSDOr something happening in lifeOr just plain anxiety and fearEither way it’s always 3am You’ve been asleepAnd the unconscious has been free to roamYou wake with this powerful sense of dreadYour mind attaches reason to itBut that’s not always what it isEvery nerve in the body hurtsNot with painBut with emotionA kind of yearning You distract the mind to ease itAnd think it’s goneBut as soon as you stop the distractionIt returnsEventually you sleepBut when you wake upThe black dog is still sitting … Continue reading 3am Black Dog

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Language Of The Depressed

Steve Rowe

The language of the depressed. You have to listen carefullyDon’t give an opinion unless askedSometimes they just want to be heardJust want their problems recognisedEmpathy is often interpreted as pitySupport is to be there and pay attentionTo help if asked forOr to ask if there’s anything you can do to helpUnrequested advice or help is seen as bullyingThe language is often codedThe problem is depersonalisedSpoke about in the the 3rd personOr approached obliquelyBecause they are embarrassedBy listening and paying attentionWatching the body languageFeeling the energyAllowing them to talkUntil they feel comfortableYou can be the greatest helpBe a good friendAnd help … Continue reading Language Of The Depressed

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The Expectation Of Happiness

Steve Rowe

The expectation is often that people with depression aspire to be happy.Not always true.People with depression often see happy people as more depressed than them.Why?Because they see them as running away from reality.They can often see the darkness behind the smile because they know it’s name.People with depression need to balance and manage their emotions.Not mask them.They don’t always want to talk about their feelings, often those that want to help are the wrong ones to turn to.Because they haven’t been to those dark places, where ‘no life’ is a better option than ‘life’.They have to get to a place … Continue reading The Expectation Of Happiness

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Digging Deep…

Steve Rowe

Sometimes you have to dig deep, like REALLY deep.Trying to stop the body going into shock with pain.Reducing one day at a time to one breath at a time.Controlling the adrenaline from fear.When you want to run or curl up, facing it as a warrior.When you feel so angry you want to burn your world down.Controlling reckless rage and the desire to kill or maim.When I see advice from those that have never been there, I almost wish it on them.Because until you’ve REALLY been there, you can never know.Trash your ‘feel good’ memes, your fake rose tinted spectacles, and … Continue reading Digging Deep…

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Don’t Kill Someone With Depression

Steve Rowe

The problem with ’copy and paste’ and ‘meme’ oriented social media is that people thinking they’re doing good can end up causing more harm. When they (in all good spirit) encourage people with depression to ‘speak out’, ‘talk to someone’ and ask ‘if they’re okay’ can exacerbate the depression if the depressed person feels: That if they do speak up they’ll make the situation worse by agitating or scaring those around them and end up withdrawing and isolating themselves. They feel a lesser person by letting others know and will be passively bullied by them trying to help or sort … Continue reading Don’t Kill Someone With Depression