3am Black Dog

It’s always at 3amYou wake with a feeling of dreadIt can come from medicationOr lack of itMaybe PTSDOr something happening in lifeOr just plain anxiety and fearEither way it’s always 3am You’ve been asleepAnd the unconscious has been free to roamYou wake with this powerful sense of dreadYour mind attaches reason to itBut that’s not always what it isEvery nerve in the body hurtsNot with painBut with emotionA kind of yearning You distract the mind to ease itAnd think it’s goneBut as soon as you stop the distractionIt returnsEventually you sleepBut when you wake upThe black dog is still sitting … Continue reading 3am Black Dog

Faith And Religion

As it’s Easter, let’s talk about religion.. the Latin root of the word religion ‘religare’ means ‘to bind’, I would see that as to bind with what we were before birth and when we no longer have a body. We are like waves on the sea, individual entities rising and falling from and to it, and are bound to it during our lifetime. Faith is to have trust and confidence and therefore yield to it. If we struggled in that sea we would drown, but if we have trust, let go and yielded to it, we would float. All religions … Continue reading Faith And Religion

Doing Your Time

How to cope in prison. You have to learn to ‘do your time’. You are humbled, stripped of everything you were and everything you had, put into a small cell, sometimes with up to two other people with just a bed, toilet and sink. You are surrounded by evil people and have to obey the guards, eating and doing what and when you’re told. ‘Doing your time’ means first learning acceptance of what and where you are and what you can and can’t do. Then integrating into the society, you can’t escape people, however obnoxious they are, so you have … Continue reading Doing Your Time

Dying Inside

Dying insideIs a coping mechanismWhen we are made powerlessHaving the ultimate acceptanceNot wanting or needingTo end the life of the bodyWe end the life of the selfReleasing the need to controlWe yield to life and othersBeing dead none of it mattersWe’re taking our toys homeWe’re not playing anymoreWhen we can’t escape our environmentBe it poverty, politics or disablementIt’s all a kind of prisonWhen there is nothing left for the selfIt diesIs this the same as the meditating monk?The Buddha said ‘there is no self’Is it ridding us of the illusion of life?Is it losing the damaging desires?Is it good or … Continue reading Dying Inside

The Darkness

Carrying on with life normallyAnd suddenly, without warningAn overwhelming darkness descendsEverything is wrongYou don’t want to be hereDeath is preferable to lifePeople wonder why others suddenly end their lifeIt’s because the mask slipsThe darkness is always thereDeep down, we know life is wrongWe all have Stockholm syndromeWe’re abducted into a bodyEnergy becomes desireThe thirst of wantingOr not wantingControls everythingWe spend all our timeDriven by that which cannot make us happyWealth and beauty are emptyLook at the wealthy and beautifulSee the snarl on the lipsThe emptiness in the eyesThe bullying satisfactionOr lording their wealth and empty beauty over youThey are the … Continue reading The Darkness

My Poor Old Vehicle

My vehicle is 73 years oldThe paintwork is scarred beyond beliefThe joints are rusted, don’t work and creakThere are essential bits missingIt’s gone round the clock a few timesWouldn’t pass an MOTIn the past was driven way too hardGiven the wrong type of fuelThe driver has been a complete idiotBut it’s served wellYou have to love itSo many memoriesEvery bit of wear and tearTells a storyWould I trade it in for a new modelNot likelyWhen this one goesI’m giving up driving. Steve Rowe Continue reading My Poor Old Vehicle

Monkey Mind

Our body’s ego and physical, mental and emotional needs can be tricky bastards. It’s like being an alcoholic or drug addict, when we’re not being mindful we revert to type. With mindfulness training we can gain insight into our faults and indoctrinations, identify them and change our behaviour to become a wiser person, but we need to be permanently vigilant or we regress. It’s like swimming upstream, if we stop swimming, we go backwards. The Buddha said that once we’ve built a house it’s important to keep the roof in good repair. The ego is a very powerful narcotic. I’ve … Continue reading Monkey Mind

A Jewel Between My Eyes

It’s like my conscious sat back and watchedI didn’t even know it was thereDespite the the fact it’s my immortal selfMy desires made me hurt othersPhysically, mentally and emotionallyWhen I finally learned to be stillI identified what had always been thereLike a precious jewel between my eyesI found a place of refugeWhere we could observe my idiocyWhen I could objectively see myselfIt changed meWhen I realised that everything was oneIt changed meI stopped hurting others and myselfI discovered empathyStopped supporting hurting and killing by proxyStopped supporting warStopped eating animalsStopped indoctrinated tribalism and nationalismRealised that it’s not just what you doBut … Continue reading A Jewel Between My Eyes

Think For Yourself

It’s too easy to take on the views of others instead of working things out for yourself. You only have to look at your feed here on social media to see martial artists continually repeating the same old tropes that you know didn’t originate from their own critical thinking. It’s lazy, gutless and weak to only repeat the view of others so you don’t stand out from the crowd and attract criticism. Ask yourself WHY you train/study in martial arts. Ignore what everyone else has said and go deep inside of yourself to find the true reasons, is it for: … Continue reading Think For Yourself